Contexting

Social Graces

Have you ever been in a situation where someone acted inappropriately? Like when someone yells at a cashier or stands too closely while talking to you? It turns out that not everyone knows those things that a person ought to know about social interaction.

Take, for example, the guy who insists on a high-five for every point of agreement in a discussion. Or the lady who, in the course of everyday conversation shares way too much information regarding her body's, um, rhythms. These people make us uncomfortable. They are blissfully unaware of how awkward they make things.

What if you're one of those people. What if I am? Have you ever stopped to think that maybe your bad breath or mispronunciation of common words or the way you rap your fingers on the tabletop might be agitating to the people around you?

If you're not sure, here are some tips:

Watch for subtle cues. If the person you're talking to backs away, raises his voice, or offers you a breath mint, take the hint (and the mint).

Keep in mind that people usually act the way they want you to act around them. Try to lower your voice around quiet talkers, avoid slang with foreigners, and shake dead-fish hands more gently.

If there's a sudden change in the "feel" of the room- if everyone suddenly gets quite, starts ignoring you, or gets up and leaves, it's safe to assume that whatever you last did was the cause of that. Take it personally, apologize profusely, and never do it again.

Don't ever sit people down and ask if you have offended them. If you have to ask, you probably did.

Search for the Authentic

We're buying HD televisions because the higher resolution makes it feel more "real." Soda manufacturers are dumping high-fructose corn syrup for old-fashioned (and more expensive) cane sugar. We watch reality TV (hoping to get a glimpse of people losing their manners, inhibitions, and common sense)- something that we know we'd never see real actors do.

In the products we use every day, plastic is being replaced with aluminum, glass, and wood. Vintage is valued. Photoshopped images are considered a fail.

Kroger is out. Whole Foods (Trader Joe's, etc.) in. It's not about being first, or even being the best. iPod, Kleenex, Crocs, Dr. Pepper, YouTube, and KFC all established themselves as the originals, and now spend their time defending that title. Their competitors' knockoffs are labeled as "imposters."

We're always looking for what's real, and we're quick to assume that what's presented isn't. Scandals and "shocking" exposés prove it all the time. That's why a good apology is worth more than a cover-up. It's satisfying to be told you were right all along.

When you talk to people, are they seeing the real you? Do you allow enough humility, enough humanity to show through in your personal interactions for people to see who you really are? If not, you should. Others are wary of anything that seems fake, distant, deceptive, dishonest, or inauthentic.